ALS robbed my family. It is gut-wrenching to witness the progression of the disease in someone you love. Emotions of anger, sadness, bitterness, and grief flooded my life in ways I never experienced before; my soul aches for a chance to see my dad walk again. To see my dad get on the floor and play with my daughter and my brothers’ children. My soul longs for a full embrace from my dad. A chance to have him wrap his arms around me once more. ALS causes my soul to cry out to the Healer, the Creator of all things, and plead for healing in my dad’s body.
ALS forces me to make a choice – bitterness and anger or trust and love. In order for the bitterness not to overtake me, I must remind myself to look beyond the pain and remember the hope we have in Christ. Over the last eight and a half years, I have come to understand that our journey on Earth is temporary, and times of distress need not overtake us. Jesus offers peace like no other and certain hope of life beyond our life on Earth. Romans 8: 37-39 tells us of the power and hope we have in Christ, “In all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor principalities, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
I once pondered whether I would want to go back to life before ALS. I thought about the effects of the disease on my dad. I thought about how our family’s life unfolded prior to the disease sneaking in. I compared it to life now. In the end, I realized a hard truth. I could change nothing, and even if I could, I probably wouldn’t. The relationship between my dad and myself grew, as did my relationship with my Heavenly Father.
ALS served as the catalyst to love and serve my dad in a way my heart was too calloused to serve anyone before. A disease I hate to my core transformed into the very thing God chose to use to change me into someone a little more like Him. Simple tasks to care for my dad softened my heart to love like Jesus – cleaning his glasses, fixing him a plate or drink, putting on his socks. Perhaps the most humbling, washing his feet as Christ Himself did for his disciples.
ALS revealed the heart and true character of Jesus Christ to me. So often, I questioned His love for me. I didn’t understand how a loving God could allow such a devastating disease in my dad’s life. Anger towards God ensued until one day, God spoke to my soul. He assured me He understood watching as someone I loved dearly endures a gut-wrenching journey. He, Himself, watched as His Son endured the agonizing cross.
What love God has for us that while we were yet sinners, He orchestrated that His Son would sacrifice Himself for us. It is in that love that we are more than conquerors as He gives us the strength and grace we need for our journey, for He knows the agony we face. He understands the journey is beyond us.
My heart shattered. All along, God wasn’t some far removed God who watched as life went by. He is a compassionate God who cares and brings peace and hope. He doesn’t sympathize with our pain; He empathizes with it.
ALS may rob my family of many things, but it grants us blessings beyond what this world has to offer. A chance to love like Christ and stand as conquerors in Him. He loves us more than we can fathom. Nothing, absolutely nothing, has the power to overtake us or change the love He has for us – not even ALS.
